On judgment


So, the other day on my Facebook newsfeed, I saw the following.

True, I could have just looked at it and moved on. It really isn’t a big deal and all in good fun. I get it.
But something struck a chord with me. This Ecard echoes a lot of what I have heard both in my life and in the media about the idea of getting married ‘young’. When I got engaged (at 22), I had more than one person say to me “Oh! You’re too young to get married!”…....... um, ok. Let me just change this huge life choice because you don’t agree with my time frame.

What I want to know is- when did one life timeline become right for absolutely everyone?

Where I am from, the timeline I followed isn’t weird. It’s actually quite normal to get married at 23. But I’m not advocating that everyone do the exact same thing I did and I am absolutely not arguing that everyone should get married right out of college - I definitely don’t think that’s a good idea! My point is- just let everyone make their own decisions, follow their own timeline, create their own happiness, follow their own path..... and not pass judgment on them!

Main points:
1.      I would never tell someone they are too old NOT to be married. Why doesn’t this work in the reverse? I don’t believe there is a certain age when marriage is right for absolutely everyone. MARRIAGE isn’t right for absolutely everyone- so why would one age be? To think that just because something is right for you, it has to be right for everyone else,  is completely illogical.

2.      I don’t want to spend the whole of my 20s (or 30s or beyond) looking for someone like the person I found in college. When I was 20, I found the person who is right for me..... why would I let him go in order to try to find someone else like him later down the road? Isn’t that counter intuitive?

3.      Not everyone wants/believes the same things. I HATE when I hear- “Don’t you have want to travel, have adventures, etc?” Yes. I definitely want to do those things. And guess what! I have an awesome partner to do them with.

4.       Some people think “You don’t even know who you are yet, don't you want to find yourself?” – Well, I, for one, hope I am never done changing and growing. I cannot pinpoint one age when I will say “OK, I’m done and this is me. Better find someone now!” My view of marriage is that we will change and grow as individuals for the rest of our lives. The challenge, that I wholeheartedly accept, is to change and grow as a couple, too. I think you are fooling yourself if you believe that at 30, you are exactly the same person as you are at 40, 50, 60 and beyond.
The sentiment I am trying to convey here can be applied to many life situations. PLEASE don’t pass judgment on “appropriate timelines” for: having babies, buying a house, finding a career, etc. Just do what is right for you, and don't care about what everyone else is doing. 

In short- Live and Let Live! Love more and judge less.

That’s all I have for today…BUT I would love to hear your thoughts on this issue. Have you ever felt judged for or for not doing something on the 'right' timeline?


  1. All valid and thought out points!! Totally agree and love this! I wouldn't have done half the adventures I have if it weren't for my husbands encouragement and someone to do them with!! And now we've had so many fun memories and are excited to bring a baby girl into the family to share them with! Xo

    1. Love this! Thanks for sharing and I can't wait to hear all about your biggest adventure yet once she arrives! Xo

  2. All I can say is, "Amen, sister."

  3. Love this!!! "I took the (road) less traveled by and that has made all the difference." - Robert Frost.
    When I met you many years ago I was at one of the unhappiest points of my life. There were some pretty miserable people I let have influence over me, and I let their judgements hold me down for too long. Then one day I realized this is the only life I have. I will not spend it with people who don't value me, or what I have to bring to the table.
    I have to tell you that I love your blog and I am a pretty regular follower. You are such an inspiration to me to keep following my dreams and use this winding, twisting, turning road to continue to grow instead of letting the frequent moves get me down. Thanks for sharing your creativity and positivity with us :).

    Becca McP.

    1. Becca thank YOU so much for sharing that with me! It sounds like you have a great outlook on life's craziness... Glad to hear that things are going well with you!! And you're right- you only get 1 life, so there is no need to waste time on negativity! Xo!

  4. I can totally relate. When I told my boss at the time that I was engaged her response was, "Aren't you 12 or something?" 22 was more like it. We have been married almost 4 years. She got married a year or two later and it didn't last, so obviously being older and getting married isn't a magic bullet. I am fine with her having an opinion but wish she wouldnt have been so eager to share it. Instead she could have just congratulated me and wished me the best. I hope I remember that when I am in her shoes.

    1. I'm sure we've all had times whe we felt judged, but you are so right! We can use those times as learning experiences for ourselves and make sure we never make someone else feel that way. Thanks, Abby! And congrats on 4 years. Anytime C and I celebrate an anniv, we say 'well, it's longer than some people make it!' :)

  5. I can resonate with this from the complete opposite side of the spectrum. I'm 26 and my boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years and living together for two. In my group of friends from college being unmarried/un-engaged at 26 is the exception, not the rule. I get constantly judged and questioned about our time frame and why my boyfriend and I haven't gotten married yet. Alot of the judgement stems from people whose timelines I wholeheartedly celebrated, with zero judgement about their timeline.

    I get alot of "Ya'll have been dating for FOUR years?! Ooooh, what do you think is going on there??" Nothing. We're enjoying each other and want to get married when we feel the time is right.

    I find that people's judgemental behavoir is typically a reflection of their own insecurities.

    Thanks for writing this----It's great to feel like you're not alone in the judgement pool!

    Darling blog, by the way!



  6. Mackenzie- thank you! Love hearing the 'other side' perspective. For me, not letting my insecurities bread judgmental tendencies has been a battle, and I am so glad you highlighted that point. I think we can both agree that judgement comes from both/all sides. I hope I was able to convey that... and say that I wish we could all work on not allowing our insecurities to harm others. Thanks again! Much love to you.

  7. So I found your blog, and then spent my entire morning reading old posts. I adore all of your design projects, and especially love this post. From a girl that was married at 21, I couldn't agree more! Almost five years later (and little surprise!), we are so glad that we embarked on this adventure together!

    1. Thanks Lindsey!! So glad to hear about your 'happily ever after' is still just that - no matter what age it started :)xoxo!


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